It’s not the first time I’ve stared at a blank page and felt
desperate to get words on the screen. I haven’t written anything since my dog,
Misa, passed away in November. I’d had Misa since she was a puppy, and she was
named after Misa from the anime Death Note. I feel a sense of guilt over losing
her, like there was something I could have done to stop it. I know that’s not
true; Misa was old. I tried to give her the best life that I could, but I still
feel like I could have done more. I could have spoiled her more, gotten her
more toys, more treats. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t cross
my mind at some point. My other dog is also still grieving. She only eats half
of the dog food that I pour in her bowl. It’s like she’s waiting for her sister
to come eat.
This is honestly something that I don’t know how to move on
from. I know that I must pick up a notebook or the keyboard and write again,
but no one tells you how to write when you’re dealing with grief. Grief is
something that everyone deals with differently, and I’ve never dealt with it
well. I guess the only way to start ‘being myself’ again is to act. I must put
word to page, even if that word will be deleted later. I must write something.
The only thing I’ve been doing since my dog passed away is playing video games.
I love video games, but every other aspect of my life has been suffering. Life
doesn’t stop just because you’re hurting, so I need to deal with what happened.
Writing this blog is my way of taking the first step. I will always miss Misa,
but letting my passion fade won’t bring her back.
