Monday, July 17, 2017

I'm a writer...in progress

I'm an author, a writer, a person who sits at the keyboard and bleeds words all over a document. It feels so good to admit it, but haven't I always admitted it? I have a blog where I write about my adventures in self publishing. I share my many set backs and my accomplishments. I have a book for sale on amazon (Zombie Bite) and I'm about to have another book available soon, but I don't introduce myself to others as an author. I don't hand out my business cards, or do anything to bring attention to me. It's almost like I'm ashamed to admit that I'm a writer. Why? Do I feel like people will judge me or my work? Well, yes, I do feel like that. Whenever I tell people that I'm a writer I feel like I have to live up to a certain standard. I feel like I can't make mistakes and even my blog has to be 100 percent error free. At work I throw away papers that I've written on if I feel like I may have misspelled a word or that the word doesn't look right written out. I hold myself to such a high standard that I end up hiding this part of myself. Why do I do that? Is it because I get negative comments about the amount of money authors make? Maybe because I had a coworker tell me that there were plenty of writers and there was no way that I could stand out and make a living. Maybe it's because the ex that I thought I would marry showed no interest in my writing. He never once asked to read my writing, and he also never encouraged me (even after I said we should write children's books together based on my dogs). It could also be because I don't think Zombie Bite is very good. I wrote everything but the opening when I was in a dark place. I had just been through a break up and wanted to get it out there because I needed to be successful at something. I regret the way I ended Zombie Bite, but that doesn't mean that I regret writing it. I need to own the fact that I'm a writer, an author, and push myself outside of my comfort zone. I need to pass out business cards in my spare time and promote my books on social media. There will always be people who don't like me or my writing, but that doesn't change the fact that I am a writer and a published author.

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