Why I almost gave up writing...

I'm sure this will be a hard blog for me to write. It's hard for me to even think of a life where I don't write. Maybe every author goes through a phase where they almost give up on the art. For my entire life I had always envisioned myself as a writer. I always wrote in journals and kept lots of notebooks near me for when I got an idea for a story. I usually filled notebooks with notes and little bits of dialog that I intended for my characters to say. Sadly, I spent most of 2015 away from my keyboard. My ex and I were sharing an apartment and for some reason we spent all of our time together. It was probably just hard to manage being together all that time. Our time together had been special prior to being together all the time and there we were, in each other's faces all the time and getting on each other's nerves. Even if I had been granted the chance to go in the other room to write it would have been hard. I'm not used to writing when I can hear others talking/moving around and he was noisy. He probably didn't think he was, but he used to curse at his video game whenever he would lose (which was often). I would have heard him even if I closed all the doors. We had a patio and I guess I could have gone outside to write, but when I started to hear others it would have halted whatever progress I had made. I really wanted to be able to write around him, but I didn't think it would have been fair to ask him if he could keep it down and I also wasn't sure about sharing my writing with him. In early 2016 we broke up (due to his friend saying I was too ugly for him), and I still found it hard to write. I already had a story written and it just needed to be edited (Zombie Bite). I found myself uninterested in writing and for the first time I found myself wondering why I had even been drawn to writing in the first place. I've wanted to be a writer since I was a child. I was beyond sad, and sometimes I couldn't even bring myself to turn on the computer. I think my writing just sat untouched for about three months while I tried to pull myself back together. I know a lot of people are thinking that I should have just pulled out the computer and wrote to make myself feel better, and I did try that sometimes, but life is hard when you allow yourself to get attached to someone and then they throw you out like a moldy box of strawberries. I was dependent on him, since he had cut off all my other contacts and insisted that I would be friends with his friends. I didn't want to do anything for awhile, not even work. I went to work like a zombie. I smiled and tried to be the person I had been before, but on the inside nothing made me feel better. I went through a period where I would only eat once a day (because he made me feel fat and made me feel like I was worthless). The men who flirted with me during that time were all better looking than him and they all had better jobs too, which should have made me feel better, but didn't. I really did feel like a zombie and sometimes I still do, even though I don't want anything to do with him. He's not a nice person or a good person, and he's really not the person I thought he was. I had goals, not just writing goals but school goals and housing goals and I gave them up because of this person. I beat myself up for it a lot. Anyway, I finally managed to start writing again, but other worries plagued my mind. I am now always worried about bills and my job and how I no longer know what I want to do with my future. I want to be successful, but I don't think I want to be a journalist anymore. It used to be my goal to be a journalist and I wanted nothing more than to be able to write for newspapers or go on the news and talk about current events. I know I could do those things using youtube, but it doesn't feel right. I feel like I lost part of my personality. Sometimes giving up writing still crosses my mind. I keep thinking that I'll never sell books and no one will care to read what I write. Am I right? I don't know, but I'm going to keep pushing myself, at least for now.